Hi all.

I know it’s been a while since I last posted but I’ve been busy doing something that wasn’t actually on my bucket list although it probably should have been.

So what is it?

Well, are you sitting down? Are you ready? Ok then, here we go…

…I’ve been ‘HAVING A RELATIONSHIP’ although it isn’t with Bertha despite the fact she is a lovely girl.

The most surprising thing about this relationship isn’t that it has lasted about 3 times as long as any of my previous relationship, and as it’s only been 7 weeks so far, that shows how piss poor I’ve been at relationships in the past, but the fact that it is with someone (lowers her voice) older than me. How the bloody hell did that happen? What happened to all my plans to be a life long cougar? Ah well, they went out the window when this fella came into my life.

But anyway, enough about him, let me tell you about Bertha. So, who is she you might ask? Is she this guy’s mum, daughter, cute kitten? Well no, none of the above – she is actually his motorbike and god I love her. I’ve never been a biker chick despite my dad and stepdad having bikes when I was young. I’ve never had the desire to ride the open road with the wind rushing through my hair and I’ve never had the urge to get a soggy bum (from the wet seat in the rain you filthy lot) but as soon as I saw Bertha I fell in love.


I thought up a bunch of chat up lines I could charm this guy with, ranging from ‘I’d like to have something big and throbbing between my legs’ to the more subtle ‘I’d like to have a ride on your bike’ (well, that’s subtle for me) but as it happened I didn’t have to ask because he did, although it was along the more traditional lines of ‘do you fancy a coffee some time?’.

Anyway, since then myself and Bertha have spent many happy hours together, laughing when we ran out of petrol, enjoying the sea breeze as we rode the coastal road, battling the rain, oh the joy is endless. I’ve even bought my own helmet which I think shows my willingness to commit.


Hold on, what’s that you say? How’s the relationship with the guy going? Well, yes, that’s going pretty well too…