I’ve recently spent an entire week with my mother in a confined space and, yes, we are still talking to each other.

Luckily this confined space had views, fresh air, cheesy cabarets, fridge magnet making classes and more food than you could possibly eat in a lifetime – yes, that’s right, we went on a cruise.


Neither of us have been on a cruise before, or even fancied going on a cruise before, but we wanted to see the Norwegian Fjords and this, without doubt, is the best way to do it.

So, anyway, we trotted off to Tilbury (might as well start with a glamorous location huh) and boarded the MS Magellan along with approx 1,200 passengers and exactly 562 crew (133 of which were Ukrainian). We thought we’d splash out (excuse the pun) and get a cabin with a window – well, when I say ‘we’ I actually mean ‘mum’ as she paid for the whole thing – she’s a good girl.

After our first night at sea and a hearty breakfast we docked in Amsterdam and spent a very brief few hours tootling down the canals admiring the architecture and city life and marvelling at the fact that you can buy Cannabis stater kits at the flower market. I had to stop mum from buying one which now makes me wonder what on earth she gets up to when she’s on her own.


We got back, had lunch, walked around the ship, had dinner, went to see the onboard cabaret, had some chocolate then went to bed and woke up on what was going to prove to be the longest day EVER…

It was the first of two days at sea. Now I can certainly see the appeal of a cruise for a lot of people but today was never ending for us. With neither of us wanting to participate in the aforementioned fridge magnet making class, with us both being a little too quiet and self conscious to take part in the quizzes and with mum not being able to read for more than 10 minutes without her eyes aching, we were left with little else to do. Luckily I had booked a spa treatment for myself and, of course, we had 3 meals to look forward to but the only other option open to us was to sleep so that’s what we did (we’ve both had a lot of practice after all).

Anyway, it all seemed worth it when we woke up the next morning in Norway and to possibly the most stunning scenery I’ve ever witnessed. My eyes actually hurt looking at it. We looked at the scenery from the boat, we looked at the scenery from a coach, we looked at the scenery on foot and we looked at the scenery from a train – which ever way you looked at it, it was beyond beautiful.

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After 3 days of starring wide eyed at mountains, lakes and waterfalls, we reached Bergen – a lovely city within walking distance of the port and a delight to walk around. But of course, our first trip was up to the top of a mountain to…you guessed it…look at the scenery.


All too soon the holiday was over – apart from one more DAY AT SEA…oh dear god.


But we made it, and after getting off the ship, catching a train to London, meeting a friend for lunch, catching a train to Gatwick, catching a plane to Turkey and getting a lift from the airport, I finally made it back to my own personal paradise In Fethiye.

And you know what, no matter how stunning or beautiful a place might be, there really is no place like home…